Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
