He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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