Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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