i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
