I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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