This house was built for laser tag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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