thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
