she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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