waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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