Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
