Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
