So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
