Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
