hotel room ftw
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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