This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
