He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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