Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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