Got a toothbrush?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
