my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
