fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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