I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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