Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
