im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you will always have a special place in my vag
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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