I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
