I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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