Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
