I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
