Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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