i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
