that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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