Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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