she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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