Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
