I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
