Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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