Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
