Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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