I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
