My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
