hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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