you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
