just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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