They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
