I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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