i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
