peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
