so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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