You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So vagazzling was a success
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
