I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
