remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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