last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
