Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize