I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
