I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize