Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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