At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
