you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
