totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
