in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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