there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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