Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize